Success and the Libido EffectHave you ever gone into a meeting; casting or callback energized only to leave feeling distraught and disconnected because you felt the person or persons weren’t into you? Did you ever lose your sense of self while this was happening in the room and try to overcompensate in some way that felt false and not you? What if your perception had nothing to do with your getting the job or future opportunities?
On the most basic level human beings love to feel safe, secure and interconnected. Most of us thrive creatively when we feel welcomed, liked and supported. However, while this is an ideal environment, it’s not always the reality we find ourselves in creatively.
It’s not uncommon to encounter situations where the vibe toward us is cool and sometimes quite cold. If we take this personally we are easily susceptible to self-doubt, self-criticism and worse lose ourselves in the process. What if what we’re taking to be personal is completely impersonal and is completely out of yours and their control? The fact of the matter is…. IT IS! And it has everything to do with the Libido Effect.
Usually when a person hears the word “libido” they immediately think it has to do with sex. Actually, it has nothing to do with sex and has everything to do with the “urge to merge.” Libido simply means the biological merging process and it’s as natural as the beating of you heart. What’s fascinating is just as you have no control over they rhythm of your heart beating you have no control over the merging mechanism. In other words, whom you feel a merge with or who feels a merge with you is a random event. Also, there’s no guarantee that both parties will feel the urge to merge with each other.
Why is this critical to understand? Because a person in a position of power and decision making could feel absolutely no “merge” with you yet still be “turned on” by your audition, callback or pitch. You then take their distance toward you as a rejection or judgment when it’s actually neither of the two. This then ignites your self-protective mechanism of fight, flight and freeze. In other words you go into survival mode when your survival isn’t on the line! This often leads to either offensive or defensive behavior and can really get in your way of this opportunity and future ones.
Remember, the Libido Effect is never personal and completely out of your control. No amount of wishing and willing it to be different than what it is will change anything. When this understanding is absorbed deeply you will not be thrown by how others are, or aren’t, and you’ll be grounded and centered in who YOU ARE.